get out of the way.

Well it seems spring has finally arrived in Saskatchewan.. or getting here. The snow in our yard is slowly melting, and it's pretty exciting to look outside and see that patch of grass getting bigger and bigger. Wohooo. I love winter, but it is always so wonderful when spring comes, because we all know that after spring comes SUMMER. Anyways, for the past 3 years, and this year being no exception, along with spring comes the big question... "what's next?". And every year at this point, it still seems I am completely clueless. It seems the pressure is just put on full force, ESPECIALLY from my parents. They know what they want for me, and I know have a lot of ideas of what I want for me, and of course they don't seem to line up. And then God.. what does He want for me? Ultimately, it doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter what my parents want, it matters what HE wants. Am I willing to go where He leads? Am I willing to follow His leading? Even if it's not my first choice? Even if it's not a choice I would ever consider? Am I willing to surrender my heart and my desires and be filled with His desires and plans for me? I have had to give up some things in the past month that were so important to me, and as I realized what God was asking of me, my prideful heart found itself saying, "Okay, I've given that up, so now there isn't anything left in the way. God, I'm willing to do whatever you want, because suddenly every plan and dream I had is completely shattered." I was ready to go. Ready to follow God all the way. Now today I'm hit with the realization of how stupid that was of me to think that "nothing else was in the way". Me. I'm in the way. As I dream of next year and of the future, I of course want to make wise choices, but I also want to go somewhere where I'll be happy and do something that I WANT and not just do what other people tell me. So I realize, I'm in the way. God takes my dreams and breaks them.. gently and lovingly of course. But they're still broken. So what do I do? I create NEW dreams. And now my desires are completely different from what they were even 2 weeks ago. Now I'm so caught up in what I want. I want to do what HE wants, but I don't know what that is. What happened to the girl who said, "I'll go wherever you lead?" Am I willing to answer that call? As I wonder and stress think about this all day long, I am no where closer to having an answer right now than I was when I woke up this morning.
However, as I was writing to a friend today and sharing with her this struggle I am facing, it hit me.

"You don't need to know right now."

Wow. What freedom I found in hearing those words. There are still 4 months till school starts. Why do I need to have all the answers today? I don't. If I had all the answers, I wouldn't need to rely on God to show me. I have applied for some schools, so why freak out? It will all work out, and if I don't know the answer till the end of August, then I don't know till the end of August. Meanwhile I will be going crazy and probably being a little stressed about such a big unknown looming ahead of me, but GOD KNOWS, and I know He is trying to remind me to just trust in Him. I need to listen and just get out of the way for now. My Father will show me when it's time.

Are you getting in the way of God's leading in your life?

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways." James 1:5-8